A Little Nonsense

- April 29 -

- April 26 -

- April 24 -

- April 23 -

Swiftly

Dear Taylor,
You confuse me. You write a million catchy songs about love, and could probably write more in your sleep. Word on the street is these songs are based on your personal experiences.
What’s tht all about? How many times have you fallen in love, and for that matter, out of it? I don’t think I’ve ever known someone to love love as much as it seems you do.
The bigger question, though, is how do you do it? How can you stand to fall in and out of love multiple times? Any average human being would be crushed.
My theory? Either you don’t actually fall in love every time, or your heart is made of steel.

Today’s Motto

- April 22 -

‘Cause sometimes you just feel tired,

Feel weak, and when you feel weak, you feel like you wanna just give up.

But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength

And just pull that shit out of you and get that motivation to not give up 

And not be a quitter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse.

Last Time, This Time, Next Time, Tool Time

Why does it always get to this point?

We know what needs to get done, we’ve known for a while…our deadlines, due dates, and other events that would make these last weeks so busy and stressful. But with all this previous knowledge of how our last weeks were going to pan out, again I ask, why did we let it come to this?

Term papers, portfolios, midterms, lab assignments, presentations, group projects, senior week, 21st birthdays, LIFE…all these things culminating. Right now. I believe it was in He’s Just Not That Into You where Alex tells Gigi that girls love, even crave, drama, citing procrastination as proof of his theory. While I always believed and hoped I was a “no drama” type of gal, I’m starting to think—judging by my clear neglect of pressing due dates—that I in fact fit into that category.

It seems every midterm season, every final season, I can never see the end. “This is going to be the worst week ever” has been spoke too many times for it to hold any meaning anymore. It’s happened for as long as I can remember, yet every time there lurks some optimism for future final weeks. Next time I’ll have my shit together. Next time, I’ll make a schedule and do everything on time. Next time, I’ll have superpowers and be able to stop time. Next time, I’ll have more time.

Potentially, the first two scenarios could exist. As for superpowers, I won’t hold my breath. As for having more time, that will never be a reality. There’s an even bigger problem here, though. I, and everyone around me, seems to think there is not enough time in a day to do all that we need to do. Why is it that we believe we are not allotted with a sufficient amount of time? I feel this way more often than I should, which I think should be zero times. We don’t dictate how much time we get in a day, that’s been dictated for us. It has been for a while. For me to say that it’s not enough is just ridiculous. While we may find ourselves staying up past 3am during weeks all our professors decide to assign projects, there are days during Christmas or Summer break when we literally can not find anything to do. We dispose of those days without a second thought. So how can I ever think to question the amount of time I’m graciously given on a day when I’m busy with schoolwork, but not even think to make the most of my days when I seem to have nothing to do but watch tv shows on Netflix or spend hours on Facebook?

This is not only ridiculous, but it is also selfish and ungrateful…a theme more and more apparent in my life. The idea that I need more time, that I don’t think I’ve been given enough, is both of these. From being ungrateful and selfish inevitably comes bitterness and self-pity. Ironically enough, dwelling on bitter feelings and feeling sorry about my own circumstances wastes time, leaving me feeling even more like I have no time.

Instead, I should be able to see the beauty in life. The wonderful and strong people around me whom I love and who love me, God’s beautiful creation surrounding me, incredible professors I can learn so much from and so much more. For the past few weeks especially, I’ve let my attitude turn sour. I’ve been upset, bitter, sad and angry about everything, always seeing the bad side of things…never the good. 

Instead of focusing on good memories and appreciating them, I’ve turned to dwelling on the bad ones. Instead of appreciating how blessed I am to be at USC surrounded by my alpha chi sisters, I complain about things that aren’t worth dwelling on and participate in the drama. 

Last time around, I didn’t do anything to change my attitude. This time, I’ve realized what has been happening and what inside me needs to change to move forward from where I am now. Next time, I will not let my circumstances get the best of me. My attitude will remain positive because I will not rely on myself anymore. The only tools I need to overcome any of this are God, the Bible and prayer. 

To quote something i recently read, “The self is never as empty as when it is full with itself.” This is how I have been living and exactly how I need to not live.